Over the past year, there has been an increasing barrage of blame in social media spaces—parents openly critiquing schools and educators, teachers publicly venting about parents and students. These are frustrating times for both educators and the parents of school-aged children. But these online conflicts aren’t helping anyone.
If you’re an educator, I urge you to step away from the blame game.
This doesn’t mean we should stop discussing the real challenges in education. However, we must shift away from targeting parents as the root of the problem.
What We Know for Sure
As educators, we may infer what is or isn’t happening in a child’s home, but in reality, we don’t know for certain. Unless we see or hear it firsthand, we have no way of knowing how—or if—a parent is setting and enforcing boundaries. We don’t know how much time a parent has with their child after school, what their evening routines look like, or the challenges they may be juggling. The only thing we can be sure of is that time is spent at home—we don’t know how much or how it’s structured. Making assumptions about a child’s home life can lead to unfair judgments and misplaced frustration, neither of which help us support students effectively.
Lately, there has been a growing narrative that parents should be responsible for teaching their children foundational skills before they even enter school. While parental involvement is valuable, this expectation ignores a crucial fact: between a parent and a teacher, only one is a trained educator. Teachers have formal training in their subject areas, pedagogy, and child development. Parents, on the other hand, are not certified educators—they have their own jobs and expertise. Expecting them to take on the role of a teacher, on top of everything else, is unrealistic and unfair. It’s time to stop demanding that parents do it all. Instead, we should focus on how we, as educators, can best support all students, regardless of their starting point.
The pandemic school closures gave parents an unprecedented look into their child’s education, and many recognized areas where the system falls short. Instead of getting defensive, educators should acknowledge that some of these criticisms are valid—not as personal attacks, but as opportunities for meaningful improvement. Many of the biggest challenges in education—underfunded schools, inequitable access to resources, unrealistic curriculum demands—are beyond a classroom teacher’s control. But by focusing on what we can change and advocating for systemic improvements, we can work toward solutions rather than getting stuck in a cycle of blame.
What We Can DO
Blaming parents for education challenges doesn’t solve anything—it just creates more division. Instead of focusing on what parents should be doing, educators can take a more productive approach by concentrating on what’s within their control. Here are three ways to shift frustration to action.
1. Focus on what you can control
Rather than dwelling on factors outside your control, shift your attention to what you can control. You can’t change a student’s home life, but you can create a supportive classroom environment, adjust your teaching strategies, and build positive relationships with students and families. When frustration arises, ask yourself: What actions can I take to help this student succeed? By focusing on solutions within your reach, you regain agency and make a real difference where it matters most.
2. Reframe the narrative; assume positive intent
It’s easy to assume that a parent who isn’t responding to emails or checking homework doesn’t care. However, there may be more to the story. Parents do the best they can in their circumstances. Instead of jumping to conclusions, approach interactions with curiosity: What barriers might this family be facing? How can I support them? Shifting from frustration to partnership fosters stronger relationships and ultimately benefits the student.
3. Advocate for systemic change
Many of the biggest challenges in education—underfunded schools, inequitable access to resources, and unrealistic curriculum demands—are beyond a classroom teacher’s control. But rather than directing frustration at parents, channel that energy into advocating for change. Speak up about your students’ needs, push for better policies, and engage in conversations that address the root causes of educational struggles. Blame doesn’t create progress—action does.
4. Examine biases
5. Critically examine who and what is fueling the discord
A Framework to Communicate About Educator Struggles
Acknowledge the Challenges: Honestly address the systemic and structural barriers teachers face, framing the issue as one of resource and support shortages. Use available data to illustrate the reality of the challenge. For example, the amount of time per day spent responding to behaviors, average achievement scores in specific content areas, ratio of caseloads or class sizes to show the difficulty in meeting all children’s needs.
Advocate for Support: Emphasize the need for additional resources, professional development, and manageable workloads to support teachers in their role. If the challenge is that a higher than typical number of students has an IEP or 504 plan, advocate for more special ed support, planning time to meet their needs, professional development for efficient strategies, or even increased paraprofessional support to increase the teacher:student ratio.
Stay Solutions-Focused: Shift the conversation to potential solutions and collective action, highlighting how everyone can contribute to improving the education system. Clearly identify the area of need to uncover potential solutions. Oftentimes, when we are clear about what the problem is, we can identify a potential solution. For example, if students are talking over you and others, provide them more opportunities to participate in focused conversations.